楮 (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} kouzo) wrote,@ 2008-01-04 20:41:00 |
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今年の第四日
Ok, I realised it just won't do if I don't post at least once for thefirst month of January first month of year 2008 (I just made a typo of the century *saves*) XD 
And I'm going to forced myself to have this done in English, yay :D
See, 2006 & 2007 proved that whenever I type in Chinese, I'm bound to be angsting as if porcupine spikes got poked in between my toes.
The year of 2007 has just completed its course a few days ago. But memories currently freshest in my mind belong to 2005 and 2006. O_o Now, I would go on an angst rage if this hasn't already become all too common for me.
Back in 2005, memories from two or three years ago were the clearest, if not most haunting to me.
The numbers just got bigger as newer years come by. Sad to say, I think my memory capacity is also starting to drop like it's being flushed. O_o That's not a very healthy sign XD;;; What had seemed so fresh as a memory to me, is now a haze of fleeting datas.
For the past few years, I had always been EMO-ing through the night before the new year comes.
This time though, I was really calm. Not in a scary way, but more like I'm no longer as troubled with how the way my life is. I've yet decided if that's a good thing actually XD
I remembered crying so sooo bad when I was told by a close friend, "If you don't start facing your life straightforwardly, your loneliness will just continue to grow out of hand."
Why did I tear so bad, I wonder. Maybe because what she said is true and I knew that it is but my pride just couldn't stand the fact. Maybe because of other reasons.
Here's a brief insight on my life for those who don't know me IRL:
My health problems started getting out of hand when my narcoleptic symtops began to surface. Then it's my more than abnormal sleep patterns which persist up until now. Plus, my body is generally weak and cannot withstand prolong physical activities. These all sum up to my major lack in daily activities, which include schooling and other social stuffs.
In one of my meet-up's with Keax and Ari a year or so ago, we were talking about what's going on in our lives and whatnot. Keax asked me a question so simple and clean, it slit right into me and stayed for a very long time, "What are you going to do about your life now?"
I didn't have an answer, I still don't actually. And that realisation hurt me as much as it scared me. I can't say it's a completely different case now, though. I still feel pretty helpless but am no longer as much in despair.
Hey, I actually brought Japanese students to tour around Singapore! 8DD
Thank youkalcifer, no matter how much I dislike Ryu, the tour job is a premium trigger in my life.
Met up with June recently for a belated Christmas celebration, belated to the point of having a New Year celebration instead XD;
We were talking about our current lives etc (why, that's what meet-up's are for and I say so >D). Predictably, my lack in social life was brought up. June said something like, "Like now, your social life is really little, isn't it? And it's likely to become even more little..."
Much to my own surprise, those words didn't hurt me like I'd have thought it would. To think merely a year ago, I would have gone all
already.
Instead of spending half of my life time self-pitying, I've begun wrenching my brain trying to come up with resolutions to coordinate with my current situation... and actually physically working on it. "FINALLY...", aiyo I think I can hear some of the inner voices across the internet, people shy lah
Speaking of the unbelievable, I'm actually more willing to spend money on internet hosting space than on CD's that I'm dying to get. o_O Some people would rather pay 60 bucks for a mascara than for a concert DVD so shutup XD
Speaking of money (you done yet? ~_~), I've come up with a fund saving plan for this year. But oh I wonder if it'd actually be carried out...
[Hey, there was a sentence somewhere up there something about "physically working on it"?] [SHUTHEFUP
]
Now, where was I = =
Oh right, hmm... I was saying I married a rich man (go to hell, liar = =凸)
Some recent changes that are pretty significant to me:
- I no longer feel like I'm being slapped in public when I listen to my friends talk about their school / social life.
- The desire to have normal Secondary school life is not there anymore. 15-yr-olds look like kids to me now 囧
- When I meet 14-yr-olds on the internet, I go OMG-THAT'S-SO-YOUNG (when I myself started at 10 or 11 >>)
- My bad subconscious habit of comparing people is suddenly gone O_o
- I can withstand Johnnys' songs now 囧omg
Hmm.. The end, I guess? I'd shut up now XD
Ok, I realised it just won't do if I don't post at least once for the
And I'm going to forced myself to have this done in English, yay :D
See, 2006 & 2007 proved that whenever I type in Chinese, I'm bound to be angsting as if porcupine spikes got poked in between my toes.
The year of 2007 has just completed its course a few days ago. But memories currently freshest in my mind belong to 2005 and 2006. O_o Now, I would go on an angst rage if this hasn't already become all too common for me.
Back in 2005, memories from two or three years ago were the clearest, if not most haunting to me.
The numbers just got bigger as newer years come by. Sad to say, I think my memory capacity is also starting to drop like it's being flushed. O_o That's not a very healthy sign XD;;; What had seemed so fresh as a memory to me, is now a haze of fleeting datas.
For the past few years, I had always been EMO-ing through the night before the new year comes.
This time though, I was really calm. Not in a scary way, but more like I'm no longer as troubled with how the way my life is. I've yet decided if that's a good thing actually XD
I remembered crying so sooo bad when I was told by a close friend, "If you don't start facing your life straightforwardly, your loneliness will just continue to grow out of hand."
Why did I tear so bad, I wonder. Maybe because what she said is true and I knew that it is but my pride just couldn't stand the fact. Maybe because of other reasons.
Here's a brief insight on my life for those who don't know me IRL:
My health problems started getting out of hand when my narcoleptic symtops began to surface. Then it's my more than abnormal sleep patterns which persist up until now. Plus, my body is generally weak and cannot withstand prolong physical activities. These all sum up to my major lack in daily activities, which include schooling and other social stuffs.
In one of my meet-up's with Keax and Ari a year or so ago, we were talking about what's going on in our lives and whatnot. Keax asked me a question so simple and clean, it slit right into me and stayed for a very long time, "What are you going to do about your life now?"
I didn't have an answer, I still don't actually. And that realisation hurt me as much as it scared me. I can't say it's a completely different case now, though. I still feel pretty helpless but am no longer as much in despair.
Hey, I actually brought Japanese students to tour around Singapore! 8DD
Thank you
kalcifer, no matter how much I dislike Ryu, the tour job is a premium trigger in my life.Met up with June recently for a belated Christmas celebration, belated to the point of having a New Year celebration instead XD;
We were talking about our current lives etc (why, that's what meet-up's are for and I say so >D). Predictably, my lack in social life was brought up. June said something like, "Like now, your social life is really little, isn't it? And it's likely to become even more little..."
Much to my own surprise, those words didn't hurt me like I'd have thought it would. To think merely a year ago, I would have gone all
already.Instead of spending half of my life time self-pitying, I've begun wrenching my brain trying to come up with resolutions to coordinate with my current situation... and actually physically working on it. "FINALLY...", aiyo I think I can hear some of the inner voices across the internet, people shy lah
Speaking of the unbelievable, I'm actually more willing to spend money on internet hosting space than on CD's that I'm dying to get. o_O Some people would rather pay 60 bucks for a mascara than for a concert DVD so shutup XD
Speaking of money (you done yet? ~_~), I've come up with a fund saving plan for this year. But oh I wonder if it'd actually be carried out...
[Hey, there was a sentence somewhere up there something about "physically working on it"?] [SHUTHEFUP
]Now, where was I = =
Oh right, hmm... I was saying I married a rich man (go to hell, liar = =凸)
Some recent changes that are pretty significant to me:
- I no longer feel like I'm being slapped in public when I listen to my friends talk about their school / social life.
- The desire to have normal Secondary school life is not there anymore. 15-yr-olds look like kids to me now 囧
- When I meet 14-yr-olds on the internet, I go OMG-THAT'S-SO-YOUNG (when I myself started at 10 or 11 >>)
- My bad subconscious habit of comparing people is suddenly gone O_o
- I can withstand Johnnys' songs now 囧omg
Hmm.. The end, I guess? I'd shut up now XD
